Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
[They are all American military operations, except "Avenging Surge."]
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
PM: i added a new super-star midfielder to my [FIFA World Cup video game] soccer party last night!
PM: it was the equivalent of recruiting a wizard several levels above the party to join you on a tough quest
PM: he's playing a defensive midfield position, so he's sorta like my wizard controller who uses buff spells to make my attackers better, and can cast defensive spells if i need him to
mikaydee: i love that this is how you have to explain soccer to me
mikaydee: what I want to know is, who is the warlock in this scenario?
PM: oh, i did just pick up one of them
PM: another midfielder that has the ability to score from distance
PM: i have no idea what my goalie is... he's the other best player on the team... i guess he's kinda like my cleric
PM: especially since he's saved my ass a few times by only the grace of god
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Provocative Poster [PP]: You and people like you are oversensitive to the point of being childish.
PP: No! Words mean what I decide they mean, and have no empirical correllary!
(no trolls were harmed in the making of this mockery)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
mikaydee: Not salt or pepper, but HAM HOCKS.
mikaydee: Just toss 'em in there.
MS: it's salt+
mikaydee: If !!!=ham, then what=bacon?
Monday, August 17, 2009
if for no other reason than that you might be speaking to a popular internet personality who will then post your message to his millions of readers, such that the top search hits for your hypocritically effeminate gamer handle will be all about how it's,...well,...hypocritically effeminate.
Shame: the last and greatest motivator.*
*If I were ever to write a self-help book, this would be the title. Or maybe it could be the foreword to RM's forthcoming self-help manifesto "You're Not a Dick."
Thursday, August 6, 2009
(1) Streetfighter: Legend of Chun Li
- Why would you punch someone and then shoot him? Why would you shoot an arrow at a kidnappee before sending in the ninjas to nab him? Why would you send your ninjas into a building and then blow it up with a bazooka? How does someone with the tactical skill of a baby duckling become an enforcer for a big-time crime boss?
(2) X-Men Origins: Wolverine
- If you had a single weapon that you believed could possibly kill your otherwise invincible enemy, why would you not give that weapon to any of the people you sent to kill him, including the guy whose superpower is preternatural skill with that very type of weapon?
- How does Deadpool bend his arms while those two-foot-long katanas are retracted?
(3) Couples Retreat
- Okay, so this movie isn't out yet, but the trailer looks extremely meh*. I also find it kind of creepy that Kristen Bell and Jason Bateman play a married couple, because I think of Kristen Bell as a teenager on Veronica Mars, and I think of Jason Bateman during the same period as the father of a teenager on Arrested Development, so all I can think of while watching them together is "Dude, Sheriff Enrico Colantoni is gonna shoot you in the face if he sees you with Veronica."
"It's named after that guy, the industrialist, with the planes, and they made that movie about him, with that guy who was also in THE DEPARTED."
Let's examine this, shall we?
(1) I couldn't remember the name of an exit that I have taken upwards of twenty times.
(2) I couldn't remember the name of Howard Hughes, one of the richest people in history.
(3) I couldn't remember the name of Leonardo DiCaprio, a veritable fixture of my adolescence.
(4) I couldn't come up with a more Leonardo-DiCaprio-specific movie than THE DEPARTED, a film with a gaggle of hugely famous actors in it.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Oh wait, I almost forgot, it's not 1988 anymore. Seriously, I don't think Dijon mustard has been elitist for a solid decade or so. You can buy it at Safeway.
In fact, here are some helpful guidelines for pundits who are confused about what year it is, how much things cost, and life in general:
Things that are elitist:
- family compounds
- Ivy League legacies
- being a Head of State
Things that are not elitist:
- anything that is available free of charge and in unlimited quantities at a baseball game
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Maybe it will be directed by Darren Aronofsky and take place entirely in Deadpool's fractured and quickly fading consciousness during the ten seconds it takes for his severed head to hit the bottom of that collapsing nuclear reactor thing.....I would totally see that movie.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
mikaydee: Um, what did you say your name was?
NPC: Gabe Lacksmith.
mikaydee: And what do you do?
NPC: I’m a blacksmith….
mikaydee: …Is that all?
NPC: What do you mean, “Is that all?” I’m a person, aren’t I? I live a multifaceted life which includes more than just my work! Yes, I do have some personal issues, which, excuse me, are just that: PERSONAL! So do you want me to repair your scimitar or not, you nether-fucking druid harpy?!?
mikaydee: I…I’m a half-elf….
NPC: GET OUT!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
- - 1991 - Today, mikaydee played video games instead of practicing the piano.
- - 1998 - Today, mikaydee played video games instead of doing her algebra homework.
- - 2002 - Today, mikaydee played video games instead of writing her Western Civ paper.
- - 2007 - Today, mikaydee played video games instead of studying for the bar exam.
- - 2009 - Today, mikaydee played video games instead of doing her taxes.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
- This week on Battlestar Galactica, we got to see just how angry Sharon was that her husband Helo had sex with another person, who, in Helo's defense, is an exact physical copy of Sharon. (Answer: very. Very very.) I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that if your workplace, which is also your home, is crawling with dozens of perfect physical replicas of your wife, you should be extra, extra careful when attempting to surprise her with semi-public sex...to the point of maybe just not trying at all.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
I feel like Starbucks fundamentally misunderstands my motives in ordering the second smallest size. I ordered a tall instead of a venti, not because I lacked the resources or wherewithal to do so, but because I just didn't want that much to drink. I still don't, in fact. And because I am an Asian female, and therefore pathologically unable to throw away food, I am now stuck carrying around this pail of lukewarm chai all day, like some demented boho milkmaid.
So...would anyone like any chai?
Friday, January 2, 2009
Weak internet connection
From Jim; he hates me.
Punishing people hit by
Cars; protecting banks.
Without an accent; they don't
Exist where I'm from.
Front of me going well; she
Plays with all four suits!
I warm my hands upon my