Friday, October 10, 2008

the road to hell is paved with delicious animal products

In the spirit of and past discourses on the sociocultural constitutive power of food, PM and I are undertaking to cook "A Chili to Offend All Nations." This chili will include all of the meats banned by major world religions: pork, beef, and possibly even shellfish (more on this below), in addition to a couple meats that shock even the non-sectarian conscience, such as veal and/or foie gras. If the title of this chili is "A Chili to Offend All Nations," its tagline would be "If we could have included people meat, we would have."

When your stated goal for a task is slightly askew from the norm (e.g. cooking food not for nourishment or satiety, but for the cheap thrill of putting your immortal soul/liberal conscience in jeopardy) it leads you down some dark, dark paths. For example, the path to clamato juice, which Wikipedia describes as "a drink made primarily of reconstituted tomato juice concentrate and reconstituted dried clam broth, with a dash of high fructose corn syrup, and USDA Red 40 to maintain a 'natural' tomato colour." First of all, how do you "dash" something as viscous as high fructose corn syrup? Second of all, how far off the farm have you strayed when clamato juice is maybe the least disgusting way for you to achieve your goal?

Also troublesome is when you consider not including things you know are delicious because they are just not culturally offensive enough. Like lamb:
PM: i love lamb.
mikaydee: me too, but it's like the least offensive meat
PM: yeah, EVERYONE eats lamb
mikaydee: Jesus WAS the lamb.
mikaydee: and I eat him all the time!
PM: weekly!

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