Friday, May 28, 2010

gender bending over backwards

Things I Learned from Movies:
(1) Any superlative group of killers (the deadliest, the sexiest, the tidiest) will invariably include one woman and one black man, and these two will almost always be flanking a good-looking white guy.
(2) Two of these people will probably have sex, and the other will probably die, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure how this shakes out demographically.
(3) The woman will have managed to succeed in her traditionally male-dominated profession by having shed some stereotypical aspect of her femininity, like romance or empathy. But not breasts. Never breasts.

True Story:
I was at the grocer after work and a woman came toward me, walking right past a man with an actual child, and asked me where the diapers were. My cart at the time contained potato chips, ice, and bourbon. I wonder, did I look like the kind of person who should know where the diapers are, let alone a person who would know? The answer is yes, because I have lady parts, and being female apparently trumps having actual offspring in the domestic credentials department.

Open Letter:
To anyone who refers to Sex and the City as "the ladies' Star Wars," this lady's Star Wars is STAR WARS.

Monday, May 3, 2010

conspiracy metatheory

Here's a thought: if it seems like almost everyone around you is part of a wide-ranging conspiracy that you're conviced permeates all relevant sectors of society, and in fact goes all the way to the top, what you're seeing might be something called "democracy."

Sunday, May 2, 2010

stray thoughts on bad movies: Obsessed

1. When writers try and present the fault lines in a long-term relationship through clumsy exposition instead of subtle demonstration, it comes off like these two people should really not be married. "But, I thought this about our relationship...." "Well honey, I thought the exact opposite...." This is presented as normal before-bed conversation for these people.

2. Idris Elba seems to spend a lot of time at work talking to his wife, hanging out with his wife, and doing stuff for his wife. When he's not doing that, he's exchanging generic man-chatter with Jerry O'Connell, and making up financial gibberish. Stringer Bell would never have put up with such inefficiency.

3. All the screeching violins in the world will not make the act of trying to close a pop-up window a moment of high drama.

4. As someone who routinely fantasizes about killing home invaders, I have trouble finding fault with Beyoncé's actions in the climactic scene.

5. I take it back. I'm going to start a facebook group called "1,000,000 strong for letting the bad guy fall to his death." When a movie sets up good versus bad in such hamfistedly stark terms, we should at least be spared the Disney villain death. Blondie is an irredeemable nutjob, putative kidnapper, rapist, and attempted murderer. Trying to save this terrible person's life doesn't make Beyoncé look noble; it makes her look stupid.