Tuesday, November 27, 2007

in which i roll 1d6 against a +4 social construct, to no avail

Sometimes I wonder when or if ever I will be able to do adult things and have them just be "things" without the telling modifier. Like going to tea or brunch at some expensive place without feeling like an undercover, voyeuristic interloper, all well-mannered and please-and-thank-you and do-pass-the-bellini, while my internal monologue is going "OMG, don't let on that you are still hungover from your night of Bud Light, Jello shots, Nintendo, and Dungeons & Dragons, or the maitre d' will make you wear a dunce cap and put you at the plastic kiddie table in the corner." I still refer to my big work purse as my "mom purse" because it is big enough to hold things like a hairbrush and handiwipes and extra shoes, and smells like leather (because it IS leather), and I realize, MY GOD, at the age of twenty-blah with two graduate degrees, I still associate the smell of a big leather purse with the place from which I used to retrieve my baggie of Cheerios during the boring, non-singing part of church (aka the sermon).

Then, my inner graduate student* takes hold of my insecure, adultlescent yuppie shoulders and shakes me like you're not supposed to shake a baby, declaring self-righteously, "listen, square, the childhood/adulthood dichotomy is, like, this bourgeois invention for, like, selling Barbies and breeding Organization Men," and then she slaps me across the face and I am about to shiv her because I have been empowered by years of watching Buffy and Alias, but then I say "eff it" and we do a mental Jello shot.

*Some people have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I have an intellectually indignant, antinomian, armchair revolutionary on one shoulder and a frugal, civicly engaged, easily shamed, midwestern schoolmarm on the other. Sometimes they cuddle while listening to NPR. It's hot.

Speaking of civic engagement and transgressing maturity paradigms....

RM and I use our respective talents and interests to enrich the spiritual life of the community:

RM: i made us a cyber santa to protect the house
mikaydee: i don't know what that means, but i really like the sound of it
mikaydee: oh!
mikaydee: lego cyber santa?
RM: yes
mikaydee: yay!
RM: he has a glock
mikaydee: i will build him an altar
mikaydee: we will have a party for him on december 6
RM: and now he has a dagger
mikaydee: blood sacrifice to saint nicolas!

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